Keepin’ it balanced

Posted: July 26, 2008 in Uncategorized

Hummm.  I can’t quite describe what happened to me during and after vacation, but something definitely happened…

After taking some time away from my “connected” state … that is, NOT taking my work laptop on vacation, among other “disconnects” … I have found myself struggling to reconnect.

Now that’s not to say that I tossed my BlackBerry out the window or anything like that.  But I will say that I have been struggling with the connectivity of it all… and whether I really want to be as connected as I was before I left town.

And when I say “connected” … I am specifically referring to the “technological connections” in my life. (just to make this clear)

The first day I walked back into the office after vacation, I found myself evaluating my “balance” of work and personal life in a new way.   Some of this thinking definitely came as an “attitude adjustment” while listening to wonderful worship tunes while pondering life on the dock by Mobile Bay the week before.

I realized that I had connected myself in so many places, that I had lost the space to just “be”.  And especially to be with God… alone.  Really alone.   Again, it’s of my own doing.  I will not blame my connections through blogs, twitters, facebook, etc. as an excuse for not connecting with my Father.

But what I am saying is this.  In this time of wonderful technology, it is easy to get caught up on the “what’s happening every single second” in every corner of the world with everyone you know (and MANY you don’t).   For example, it’s been interesting to me that someone who doesn’t know me would be interested in following me on Twitter.

But yet, I do the same thing.  I follow mostly pastors, their wives and church staff people of churches I’ve never attended.   Staff people I’ve never met (although my husband has met many of them).  And I guess for the same reason,  a few have chosen to follow me.

It’s an interesting phenomenon.

Then there’s Facebook and the such.  What a crazy meeting place THAT is.

I may work at the same company as one of my “Facebook friends” yet never have a discussion with them about their recent vacation.  But when I hop on my Facebook account, there’s all their family vacation pix and I find myself absorbed in wondering … “how old is her little girl” or “I wonder where she gets her hair cut” … or is that dog a “pekinese”?.  CRAZY, I say.

Is this making any sense?

So, this past week, I’ve had more than one conversation with my husband and other close friends about my obsession with being so connected.   That includes working so much at home.  It’s not because I have to.  No one asks me to.  I just love what I do and I find myself drawn to it naturally.  Especially since my “day job” is ministry/business just like the work that goes on behind our “still pretty new” church plant.  It’s simply a 24/7 thing.  That makes it really hard to disconnect.

So, what am I really saying here?  

I’m saying that something inside of me is screaming for balance.  The scream is not as loud and high-pitched as the one that got my attention a couple of weeks ago while sitting “on the dock of the bay”.   But since that time, I have noticeably reduced my “online time” in the evenings … therefore, it has also affected some of my writing time on this blog.

That will change, as I get a good grasp on balance, and look for specific times to weave blogging into my day.  But it definitely changing  what I’m doing while I’m at home and while I’m online.  (You see, I used to pull out my computer, and go immediately to my “log-on” for my work email.  I’ve cut back on that.)

Now, for that BlackBerry thing.   Oh it is a beautiful thing.  BUT it is a pricey little tool.  It is expensive to maintain monthly.  So, I have to ask myself “can I really trade it in” for a little less technology that might very well add some sanity back into my life?

Our executive pastor, Jonathan, says “no”.  We were at dinner with he and his family just the other night.  As I shared my heart about this internal battle I’ve been fighting, Jon felt pretty certain that I’d go crazy without the BB connection. I so want him to be wrong – but I’m not so sure.  I think he and his wife have me all figured out.

So, as you can see.  I’m not there yet.  Right now, it just open for conversation.  I’d sure like to know what you think.

How connected are you?  If you know me, do you think I can walk away from my portable 24/7 connection to internet, facebook, twitter … to life out there?

Oh this is a tough one.  It’s even harder because I’m married to “Mr. Technology”.  So, what say you?  Comment on!

  1. beef says:

    Pammie, I’m glad to hear this. The conference left me feeling there are just too many blogs. I have gone from compulsive daily to sometimes just weekly posts, and the content has changed over time. Are we living life or only documenting it? Sounds like you’re wisely listening to that internal Voice and letting It guide you. It is important to share love and support, but there is a time to blog and a time not to blog.

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