Posted: March 28, 2009 in Uncategorized

The term “download” pretty much captures this post …

It’s been an insane week. I’ll be transparent. It’s been an insane month or two.  

Oddly enough, my state is not because of physical busyness, but more of where my heart, brain, thoughts and emotions have been since early in the year.

We, my church planter hubby and I , came into 2009 with loads of dreams for the next 12 months and beyond.  Some personal. Some professional. Most of them ministry related. 

Since January, our little church plant has taken a rough hit.  I don’t mind telling you. It’s been the result of a lot of things – most of which every single church planter family has experienced along their journey. But the hurts of most recent have been the toughest to date. And it has hit us financially.  I won’t hang on this subject much, as most of it is extremely fresh. We’re still dealing. But I will say this, just as we hurt, we’ve experienced blessings we wouldn’t have otherwise experienced.  Praise Him.

Funny how walking thru some of the most disappointing situations can bring new levels of hope.  My eyes have been open wider to why God allows these type of things to happen. Wow, have we grown. I have also realized that while God is dealing with ME on many levels, it isn’t MY responsibility to fix everything around me (that is my tendency). God will work in His timing with everything and everyone else.

As for my life at the office, my day job, it may be the best season yet. His timing has been perfect!

God has SO used my work relationships to bless me. Seriously. I have seen why God placed me where He did, WHEN he did.

Just as I shared above about some of our toughest times in church planting life, God has used my office family to be a rock of support. Dang. As I’ve shared openly about our struggles, they’ve helped me to see the bigger picture, the picture I believe God has wanted me to see. Praise Him.

Here’s what I know. We are not alone, even on those days we have felt the loneliest. We ARE loved, even on those days we have felt unlovable. 

Thank you to those, also, who have encouraged me to “blog on” and not keep my junk under a rock. You’ve been right all along. (I sure did want to call this thing quits). But I am recommitting to putting it all here. That truly was the original intent of writing “Livin’ Out Loud”.  Here lately, you see, I’ve been “livin’ out quiet”.  

No more.

Above all, I’ve really been wanting to publicly lift up my husband. He, too, has been a rock! He has experienced it all. He’s walked through fire like few others I know. And I’ll give him this, I don’t know many who love Jesus and talk about it more than Joe does. No apologies. I love him so much. So much, that I’ve often wished I could take the painful times upon myself to keep him from the hurt.

(Okay, I said I’d be transparent.)

I HAVE  taken it upon myself along the way. Like the day I wouldn’t allow Joe to read a cruddy, unchristian-like, down-right-mean letter that came in the mail.  (My man still hasn’t seen that letter. He’ll never see it. Never.) It just wasn’t of the Lord for him to gaze upon words that were written out of an angry, empty heart – words that were clearly not of the Lord.

I knew God placed me there at the mailbox that day. I’m forever grateful for God’s timing. Enough about that. Praise Him.

As I’ve written this post, the core of it truly is about “being alone.” Allow me to rephrase this, it’s about NOT being alone.

Three weeks ago, I attended the Beth Moore event exclusively for Minister’s Wives. I found myself in a circle of 1,200 other women wearing my shoes, down to the exact same size, if you know what I mean. We were all a perfect fit – all of us walking this same path alongside our minister husbands.

I was reminded that the Lord has me in this role for such a time as this.  I learned while I may feel like a “lifetime misfit”, I am called to be a holy fit.

I found peace that weekend.  I want anyone and everyone around me to know it.  Those who have been hangin’ with us in recent weeks DO know this.  But you see, I couldn’t continue working in the ministry of helping others to restore, before first getting restoration for myself. Praise Him.

As we move forward, we’ll continue to take on the evil principalities that cross our path. And we will continue to fight like warriors. Now, we are simply looking for those who aren’t quitters and have the courage enough to fight with us.

I thank you dear friends, both near and far, for the encouragement, the brutal honesty, the authenticity and above all, the love of Jesus.


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